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The Down-Low with J-Money

September 14, 2008 | in Fitness |

This week's Monday goodness: a chat with quite possibly the funniest runner on the Internet, J-Money of The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy.

Jump to: Interview » Races & Bests » Contact Info »

I was hooked from my first visit to The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy—I think we even linked to it a few months back. After reading a few more posts I discovered J-Money, the site's author, was a smokin'-fast runner, seeking a 3:15 marathon as well as Hugh Laurie's heart. Wanting to find out more, I contacted her about her writing, running and fondness for processed foods. Here's the outcome:

Interview

Hella Sound: How long have you been a runner? Were you always an athlete?
J-Money: I started running in December 2001 because the guy I was dating at the time wanted to get back into it and I was into the whole "YAY MORE TOGETHERNESS!" thing so I laced up some sneakers and tagged along with him. Nothing enhances a relationship like discussions about chafed nipples or having to explain quietly that he has a rabid-looking white crust forming at the corners of his mouth. In a fun turn of events, he ran off with someone else two years ago.

As for my own athleticism, I've always loved sports. My dad taught me how to play just about everything—because he either wanted a son or a lesbian—but it didn't take many evenings in the stands watching me strike out at tee ball (Yes, that really happened. A lot.) before we realized that I wasn't very good. Or very coordinated. I gave up baseball—I look wretched in mesh hats anyway—and switched to golf, which meant that I had both an embroidered sweater vest and also a very lonely prom night. Other career highlights included a perfect record as a member of the tennis team (0-14), breaking five fingers (not at the same time) during a six year stint playing rec league football, and getting my nose broken during an Ultimate Frisbee game. Running just seemed safer and less likely to leave me looking like Owen Wilson.

HS: You work in a running store, right? What's the nastiest thing a customer has asked or said?
J$: Customers just assume that because I wear a name tag and lace sneakers all day, that I must be a total failure. And they'd be right. I get a lot of horrified looks when they mention that their child currently attends Wake Forest University and I point out that I went there too. One woman actually said "So THIS is what a Wake Forest degree will get you?". I wanted to tell her, "No, this is what self-loathing and a general disregard for authority will get you".

HS: You contribute to Playing the Field—what's your favorite sport? Favorite athlete?
J$: My favorite sport is baseball (frequently pronounced BAYSBAWL!) specifically the Boston Red Sox. I've was actually in the stands when they won the '04 and '07 World Series and hope the Sox suits realize that if they expect to hold the trophy this year, they need to send me tickets.

As for athletes, that's a tougher question. I was a total golf dork as a kid and have had a crush on Nick Faldo since forever. I love a man with more green jackets than the manager at Bennigan's, a sense of humor, and a loose moral code. I also adore Boston's own Jacoby Ellsbury and Dustin Pedroia. Both of 'em are super fun to watch, hustle like mad when they're on defense, and make each of their at-bats more entertaining than most NBC programming.

HS: What's your favorite healthy food for pre- or post-workout?
J$: Um...healthy food? I work out at 5:30 a.m. so my pre-workout yum yums typically come from a cereal box with some kind of cartoon character on the front. And yes, I'm including the Special K boxes that feature Sela Ward. Sorry, Sela, but you've somehow Botoxed away the ability to change facial expressions. Post workout, I'm a bit more conventional. I drink a serving of CellMass (because I love supplements that stain your teeth red) and eat what I call the Big Bowl of Protein, a recipe torn from the pages of Men's Health that involves oatmeal, eggs, bananas, almonds, and protein powder. It's not the kind of thing you make for an overnight guest.

HS: Between McGriddles and SteakUmms, who wins the battle? And, have you ever tried putting SteakUms on a McGriddle?
J$: Holy. Crap. That would be too powerful, too many meat by-products in one place. While I'm admittedly curious what that would be like, I think it would be too dangerous. Like if the Ghostbusters crossed the streams from their proton packs.

HS: Everyone has some form of inner-dialogue when they run; can you offer a sample discussion you've had with yourself while running?
J$: Running used to be where I'd try to work through pieces that I was writing. When you're doing 16, 18, 20 milers, you have a lot of time in your own head, so I'd try to figure out jokes and topics and turns of phrase, in between being yelled at to get back on the sidewalk and trying not to spit on my own shoulder. Lately, though, I've had my first injury in a while, and I'm just constantly bargaining with myself, trying to debate how far I should reasonably go before it gets too miserable. I just did the Charleston Distance Run, a 15 miler in West Virginia and around mile 11 I was seriously counting the steps to the finish line. I've never bailed on a race but that came close.

HS: Do you insist Hugh Laurie speaks to you in his American "House, MD" accent, or do you let him talk in his native British tongue?
J$: I'm sorry, what was that? I got distracted when you used "Hugh Laurie" and "tongue" in the same sentence.

HS: If you had a superhero power (and I'm not saying you don't), what would it be?
J$: First, I'd make damn sure that I fixed my hip. And my calves and any other running related ouchies. Although that's not much of a super power. "I'm Glucosamine Girl! Do not consume if allergic to shellfish!" I'm not sure. Does growing a tail count as a power? Because that would be pretty sweet. That and something that involved making out with Hugh Laurie and also the ability to run at an incredible rate of speed.

HS: Have any races coming up?
J$: I've entered the Marine Corps Marathon, but that's looking about as likely as "The Love Guru 2". If I can't hack 26.2, I'll probably race some local 5Ks, a half marathon or two and just try to be healthy in time for Boston next year. I ran 3:23 this April and my goal for next year is to break 3:15.

HS: Any other projects people should know about?
J$: Just the continued bloggery at The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy, trying to amass a hoarde of Twitter followers, and the still-flickering hope that I'll eventually be able to hang up my nametag and hand sanitizer and begin a career as a writer. Until then, I'd be glad to explain why your toenails have all fallen off.

Races & Bests

• 2008 Boston Marathon time of 3:23:09
• Most of my races are local half marathons, 5Ks, stuff like that. Nothing entertaining.
• My current PRs, though are 1:37:14 for the half and 20:06 for a 5K although I plan on breaking both records this fall. And hearts. I'm gonna break hearts as well.

Contact Information

If you are interested in contacting J-Money for writing projects, shoe fittings and other tomfoolery:

• URL: The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy — keepyourreceipt.blogspot.com
• Email:
• Facebook: The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy
• Twitter: @gordonshumway

McGriddles photo courtesy of yoppy at Flickr. Steak-umms pic courtesy of Steak-umm.com.

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